When the Ego Won’t Let Go: The Hidden Saboteur in Family Business Succession

In the world of family business transitions, there’s a recurring theme I encounter: the battle between a founder’s inner world and their external role. On the surface, it may look like they’re stepping back—scaling down responsibilities, reassigning roles, maybe even selling shares. But underneath? The ego often refuses to let go.

And when that inner conflict goes unaddressed, it doesn’t just create friction. It creates chaos.

The Illusion of Readiness

I once worked with a couple where the husband had committed to stepping off the field and joining the board. We crafted clear boundaries—what he would start, stop, and keep. We had a robust executive team ready to operate without him. To test it, he left for a full month. The team operated beautifully.

But shortly after his return, he quietly inserted himself into a meeting he no longer belonged in. And that one act triggered a cascade of confusion and disruption.

Why?

Because he wasn’t truly ready. His identity was still wrapped around “being needed.” Without problems to solve, he didn’t know who he was. He needed friction to validate his existence. This wasn’t about the business—it was about the self.

Creating Crisis to Justify Control

In another engagement, a founder began handing off responsibilities and reducing his hours. On paper, things looked good. But instead of creating space for the next generation to lead, he began manufacturing problems.

He’d point to issues that weren’t real. He’d stir unrest, criticize directions others were taking, and ultimately undermine the very people he claimed to be empowering.

What was really happening? He couldn’t sit in the unknown. The stillness was deafening. The part of him that had always driven the business was now adrift, and rather than feel that discomfort, he projected it outward.

The team saw it. They felt it. But no one dared speak to it. He still held majority ownership, after all. So they tolerated the disruption—until it boiled over.

The Spiritual Work of Succession

These situations aren’t about job descriptions or shareholder agreements. They’re about a person’s relationship to identity, significance, and control. And unless that internal dimension is addressed, no amount of restructuring will prevent sabotage—intentional or not.

David Hawkins’ work in Letting Go speaks to this beautifully. The ego clings—especially when facing the unknown. But surrender isn’t failure. It’s evolution. When founders embrace the deeper work of redefining who they are apart from the business, they unlock peace—for themselves and for everyone around them.

This inner work isn’t just personal—it’s fiduciary. Because here’s the truth:

You don’t have the right to hold an entire enterprise hostage to your unresolved identity.
As a steward of a family business, you carry responsibility not just to yourself, but to the shareholders, employees, and future generations relying on that continuity.

What Letting Go Really Means

Letting go doesn’t mean disappearing. It doesn’t mean disengaging. It means finding a new role that aligns with who you’re becoming—not who you’ve always been. It means sitting with discomfort instead of filling it with control. And it means doing the quiet, courageous work of listening—deeply—to what’s next.

If you’re navigating this journey—or watching someone you care about struggle through it—know this: you’re not alone. But it does require more than succession planning. It requires transformation.

And that begins within.

- Chris Yonker